


What Do You Say

by killingmonsterswritingthings



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, not really as we all fucking know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-05 05:37:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10298780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killingmonsterswritingthings/pseuds/killingmonsterswritingthings
Summary: Carey grieves for Magnus.





	

**Author's Note:**

> a little ficlet about that part in the cutscene that absolutely wrecked me :)))))

 

They had retreated to their shared room.

Carey felt completely wrecked. Like something had been torn from her.

For the first time in her life she wished that she hadn’t been inoculated, that she had never become a part of the Bureau of Balance, because even the emptiness and feeling of something being missing before she had encountered the Voidfish and met Killian had been better than what was happening now. She couldn’t take it.

“He was the strongest of them,” she mumbled. She had collapsed on the small sofa they had crammed into the corner of the room. “How could this happen?”

“It was liches,” Killian said softly, the word rolling off her tongue too easily for Carey’s liking, even though she had just witnessed her leaving because she herself was too choked up to say anything, “physical strength can only go so far. And you know how he is...” She was approaching her slowly, holding two mugs with steaming tea and stopped short at the realization of what she had said. “How he… was.”

“I always… I always he’d be the one to die first,” Carey said after a moment while Killian settled down next to her. She couldn’t even accept the tea; she didn’t want the hot mug to burn her hands. “The way he’s always the first… always the first one to throw himself into harm’s way to- to protect Taako and Merle.”

"I feel kind of guilty, too," Killian said and Carey, who had just leaned against her, drew back and stared up at her.

"What?"

Killian took a deep breath and shook her head. "It's like... we encouraged him to be like that, you know?" She gestured vaguely and ended up just bringing the cup of tea, which still had to be way too hot, to her lips in lieu of anything else to say.

"Was there really any other way he could have been? Was there any other way this could have played out?" Carey asked. She couldn't have Killian blaming herself, too, when it wasn't her fault at all. They all had huge stakes jobs, and Magnus had had the worst of them all.

Gods, the past tense hurt.

  


Noelle came in and she seemed sad, oh so sad, as well. Carey realized that Magnus had saved her, too, and her heart broke all over again.

She had been calming down a little, with Killian steadily – but mostly silent – at her side, but now the tears welled up again and she didn't know how to breathe. The weight on her chest was crushing her.

“How are we going to do this?” she asked. “How...” She broke off, unable to finish the sentence. She didn’t even know what she was asking. What was there to do now? What _was_ there now, at all?

“I don’t know,” Killian said quietly.

“Me neither,” Noelle admitted.

They sat there in silence for a while and Carey wished that she could see Magnus, even if he was dead, just so she could have something to say goodbye to. Her heart seized up in her chest again and her claws dug into her flesh where she was balling her hands into fists to hold back the cries of almost physical pain.

“Maybe… maybe he needs us to be strong,” Killian mumbled. Carey looked up at her with her lips quivering and Killian sighed. “Not immediately. But we have...” She too stopped and didn’t seem to have the words, or the thoughts, or the strength. That in itself was hugely comforting to Carey.

“We’ll have to carry on,” Carey said after a moment of Killian fighting for words. “I’m just… I don’t know how to… There’s not much more _we_ have to do, you know? And not without him and I don’t...”

Killian pulled her closer. “I know. I know. It’s alright. We’ll take the night, and then… then we’ll get up and do our jobs and... save the world, because we’re so close to it.”

Carey couldn’t do anything but turn her face into Killian’s side and trust her. Because they had to. They had to find a way, to somehow do everything they had done before, but without Magnus.

Gods, she wasn’t sure if she could do it, but she would damn well try.

  


So she kept crying into Killian’s shirt because she was allowed to let it out, and she would be allowed to show her feelings, but tomorrow she would have to get back out there and face the world.

  


And she didn’t think about how weird Taako and Merle had seemed when they returned, how they fostered doubt deep within her, how they had seemed so aloof despite the loss. She didn’t think about how it didn’t seem quite right. She didn’t, she didn’t, she didn’t…

Grief and trauma did things to people.

  


But most of all she was heartbroken because Magnus had gone when they had been so close to their goal, and now he would never see them make it to the finish line.

 

**Author's Note:**

>  _please_ come yell at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/luffylaws) or [tumblr](https://luffylaws.tumblr.com)
> 
> title is of course a griffin quote bc damn him


End file.
